It’s right up there with getting eaten by a shark or falling from the sky in a 747. For many of us, there is no greater fear than ending up lonely forever.If you don’t relate to this scenario, then stop reading right now. Seriously, go somewhere else. Also, I don’t believe you.
But, if there are days when you’d gladly give yourself a haircut with a pair of craft scissors in exchange for the promise of a lifetime of love, companionship and Friday night plans, then you’re in the right place.
I’ll tell you exactly what to do to prevent being lonely forever.
Here is the secret, ready? Start liking yourself as much as you want your next date to like you.
If you genuinely enjoy your own company; if you think you’re hilarious and have a quirky, yet totally adorable fashion sense; if you like the sound of your own voice and you think you’re charming and smart and you can spend hours by yourself at the farmers market; if you can clearly hear the wise and quiet voice that lives inside you, then, whether you’re single or not, you will never feel truly alone.
For a good time, call your own phone number.
But do you know why it’s so hard for many of us to that? It’s called self-abandonment.
In my work as a registered marriage and family therapist intern, self-abandonment is often a reason for which my clients seek my help. It shows up in their lives as an inability to let go of abusive relationships, a feeling of deadness, boredom or restlessness, an over-reliance on their relationships, and in the inability to make themselves feel better.
The problem with asking your husband, parents, girlfriend or most recent fling to take responsibility for your emotional wellbeing, is that you give them a job that does not belong to them. Would you ask your plumber to fix your car? Your accountant to give you a kidney transplant? (I hope your answer is no.)
The more you seek love, attention and validation outside yourself, the more you forget that it (all of it) is an inside job. After that, you're shouting distance away from a compulsive search for approval, sugar, sex, booze, and anything else that helps you numb the pain of self-forgetting.
I don’t mean to be a bummer. Relationships are awesome and divine expressions of love, but they are just not the source of love.
Do this right now:
(A start) to NOT being lonely forever...
- Close your eyes and sit in silence for 2 minutes. That’s it. Just notice.
- Now count the number of exes you’ve had in your life.
- Multiply this number by the number of letters in the words “Captain Morgan”
- Lastly, take this number and subtract the last digit of the year your were born from it.
The number you’ve ended up with is the number of days I suggest you take a two minute silent time out. (If that’s too many days/if you’ve had a lot of exes, then do it for at least a week).
Would you rather put your face into the open mouth of a great white than spend a couple of minutes exploring your internal world? If your answer is yes, then you have a great starting place and a long, sweet way to go.
Lonely forever? No way.