Why it’s just not cool, to be chill.
When it comes to dating, being “chill” has climbed the ranks as a highly coveted, basically non-negotiable quality that our romantic partners should possess. Wait. Did I say dating? I meant “hanging out.” Or “talking to.” Or “chillin with…”
Sorry, I’m not sure…
A few minutes on Tindr, Hitch, or Cupid, will render incontrovertible evidence that if you are not CHILL, then you might as well be dead.
Wait, what’s that? You’re honest and fun? Understanding and ambitious? You have amazing personal hygiene, great friends, and breasts that men and women alike would murder their grandmother to get their hands on? Doesn’t matter. If you’re not chill, then, well, good luck to you.
A culture of “chill” has invaded out modern dating climate.
Checking the weather? Don’t bother. It’s chill. It’s always chill.
GET THIS. SOME OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS HAVE NO SOLUTION.
That’s right. No matter how many fights you get into, or how many different ways you find of saying the same thing, you and your partner will not make it better. That thing you’ve fought about from the beginning of time? It will probably stick around until the end of time. It will stay bad, painful, annoying, or ridiculous, literally forever.
According to research, most of our relationship problems, 69% of them in fact, are unsolvable.
Why? Because, says relationship researcher John Gottman, they are based on deeply ingrained differences in personalities and needs. i.e.Olivia Pope herself couldn’t fix them.
So, how do you know if you're dealing with a perpetual problem?
Why ambivalence in relationships, Isn't the kiss of death.
Back in July, Mark Manson wrote a blog post that achieved internet breaking kind of buzz; Sexy felon Jeremy Meeks, meets Kim Kardashian’s butt, kind of buzz.
In this article, he introduces the Law of F*ck Yes or No, an edict that provides one clear directive for how to simplify our screwed up lives.
His advice goes as follows: If you’re thinking about getting involved with someone new, they should inspire a full blown F*ck Yes, in order for you to move forward.
The other person, must then reciprocate with an F-yes of equally mammoth proportions, in order for you to proceed with them.
When I first read his post, I agreed hands down.
I love Facebook. It helps me build community, make friends outside my normal social circles, or stay in touch with folks I might otherwise never see but for high school reunions (that I would go to over my dead and rotting body). It also lets me stay connected to family and friends, updating me on first words, last Friday nights, engagements and estrangements, feeding my concern and my sometimes morbid curiosity.
I also, however, hate Facebook. When my inner critic logs on, my newsfeed displays nothing but evidence of everyone else's perfect life: weekend farmers markets, impromptu picnics in the park, triathlons, and vintage flea markets. In fact, I’m pretty sure everyone I know is hanging out with Gwyneth Paltrow.
But like it or not, with more than 845 million users, Facebook is here to stay.
Let's be honest. Most of us have an ongoing list of reasons that WE JUST KNOW, render us utterly undatable, keeping us lonely forever. My list may or may not include items such as:
- Not exactly over my ex.
- I'm a total know it all.
- Violently competitive.
- Inexplicable need to use foul language around children.
If you're like me, you keep the list in your wallet so you can show dates when there's an awkward silence over dinner.
Others take another route, and try to hide these qualities, feeling ashamed or embarrassed of them. This plan often back-fires somewhere around the 4th month of the relationship, in which words like "sister wife," "sleep apnea machine," or "family week at rehab," enter the daily lexicon of the relationship, to your partner's astonishment and probable disappointment.
It’s right up there with getting eaten by a shark or falling from the sky in a 747. For many of us, there is no greater fear than ending up lonely forever.If you don’t relate to this scenario, then stop reading right now. Seriously, go somewhere else. Also, I don’t believe you.
But, if there are days when you’d gladly give yourself a haircut with a pair of craft scissors in exchange for the promise of a lifetime of love, companionship and Friday night plans, then you’re in the right place.
I’LL TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT TO DO TO PREVENT BEING LONELY FOREVER.
Here is the secret, ready? Start liking yourself as much as you want your next date to like you.
If you genuinely enjoy your own company; if you think you’re hilarious and have a quirky, yet totally adorable fashion sense; if you like the sound of your own voice and you think you’re charming and smart and you can spend hours by yourself at the farmers market; if you can clearly hear the wise and quiet voice that lives inside you, then, whether you’re single or not, you will never feel truly alone.