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self-responsibility

The End of Love

The End of Love

An Anti-Assimilationist Valentine's Day

I know I don't have to tell you that February 14th is barreling towards us at superluminal velocity. You also may know that if you're not in a romantic relationship, you might as well crawl back into your lair and resume braiding your body hair or filing the fingernails on your dewclaws, or whatever it is that single people do, because how dare you attempt to join the ranks of those who will not be dying alone.

But if you do, however, happen to be in love, well I'm sure you know better than to erect anything less than the most stunning and enthusiastic tribute to your beloved, replete with chocolate, champagne, sex in more than one position, and possibly a proposal.

Am I right?

Unless of course, you're not in the business of celebrating corporate sponsored heteronormativity, underwritten by Hallmark, self-hatred and comfort pastries; or the holy day also known as Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day -- destroyer of all things -- is a celebration of everything that's wrong with our rendition of modern love. There's nothing quite like this arbitrary event to magnify our expectations, diminish our relationships and test our self-esteem. Come February 1st, convenience store aisles, awash in the empty symbology of romance, close in on us with one message, and one message only:

Continue Reading at Huff Post

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A Hater’s Guide To New Year’s Resolutions

A Hater’s Guide To New Year’s Resolutions

(a.k.a. Self-improvement through self-acceptance)

New Year’s Eve is that special time of year where we resolve to become less like ourselves and more like other people. Better people. More suitable people. Perfectly hydrated, voraciously reading, paleo dieting people.

It’s a time-honored tradition in which we salute the passing year by piling unrealistic hopes and expectations on the back of the year to come, and we look to the future with a gut-churning blend of happy optimism and indestructible self-loathing.

In theory, New Year’s Eve should be a time to review our year and celebrate our accomplishments; A night to forgive our shortcomings and give boozy toasts for better days to come.

But for the 45% of Americans who still make resolutions, New Year’s Eve is a not to be a missed chance to alter ourselves in arbitrary ways that only seem reasonable when much of the Western Hemisphere is also doing it.

Do you want to know the best thing to happen to New Year’s resolutions? It’s called February. If January is the month of change, then February is the month of giving up. By the time February rolls around, with that knowing smirk on its face, more than a third of us have abandoned all hope and returned to our overwhelmed and under-hydrated lives. According to a recent survey by the University of Scranton, only 8% of us are eventually successful at keeping our commitments.

As you may be able to tell, I hate resolutions.

Keep reading here...

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Chill Like That

Chill Like That

Why it’s just not cool, to be chill.

When it comes to dating, being “chill” has climbed the ranks as a highly coveted, basically non-negotiable quality that our romantic partners should possess. Wait. Did I say dating? I meant “hanging out.” Or “talking to.” Or “chillin with…”

Sorry, I’m not sure… 

A few minutes on Tindr, Hitch, or Cupid, will render incontrovertible evidence that if you are not CHILL, then you might as well be dead. 

Wait, what’s that? You’re honest and fun? Understanding and ambitious? You have amazing personal hygiene, great friends, and breasts that men and women alike would murder their grandmother to get their hands on? Doesn’t matter. If you’re not chill, then, well, good luck to you.  

A culture of “chill” has invaded out modern dating climate.

Checking the weather? Don’t bother. It’s chill. It’s always chill.

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Fighting Chance

Fighting Chance

5 RELATIONSHIP HACKS TO HELP YOU FIGHT WITH YOUR PARTNER WITHOUT RUINING YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Everybody fights.

Everybody has a belly button. Everybody poops. And everybody fights. These are 3 inarguable truths, behind which lies all psychological health and spiritual success.

You know who didn’t fight? Ward and June Cleaver. And were they happy? No. They were miserable. Every night after dinner, Ward stumbled into the basement to look at pictures of his ex-girlfriend, and finish off a bottle of gin he’d refer to as Wilson, until he blacked out. All the while, June tucked herself into her twin bed, to recite the serenity prayer exactly 103 times before falling asleep.

Conflict in our relationships is a lifeline to their health. Conflict, like sex. Conflict, like acceptance. Conflict, like love, is the beating heart of our partnerships, transmitting the blood, sweat and tears necessary for survival. 

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F*ck Maybe

F*ck Maybe

Why ambivalence in relationships, Isn't the kiss of death. 

Back in July, Mark Manson wrote a blog post that achieved internet breaking kind of buzz; Sexy felon Jeremy Meeks, meets Kim Kardashian’s butt, kind of buzz.

In this article, he introduces the Law of F*ck Yes or No, an edict that provides one clear directive for how to simplify our screwed up lives.

His advice goes as follows: If you’re thinking about getting involved with someone new, they should inspire a full blown F*ck Yes, in order for you to move forward.

The other person, must then reciprocate with an F-yes of equally mammoth proportions, in order for you to proceed with them.

When I first read his post, I agreed hands down.

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Sharing is Scaring

Sharing is Scaring

HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR PARTNER'S SEXUAL PAST!

It's probably safe to assume that the person you're currently sleeping with, slept with someone else before you. In fact, she might have slept with someone else immediately before sleeping with you, if you're not monogamous. It's also probably safe to assume that she perfected that Rock-a-Bye-Booty you like so much with someone else, and that she realized she was into light spanking with yep, you got it, her Brazilian ex who as she puts it, "helped the flower of her sexuality blossom." (p.s. puke)

I for one, learned the hard way that La Isla Bonita is a silly song to have sex to. That's the kind of invaluable information that I know for sure has been appreciated by my partners.

Some of us don't worry too much about what, (or who) came before us. My own partner, for example, says infuriatingly reasonable things like "It's none of my business," or "It had nothing to do with me." Comments to which I soundly reply by walking away indignantly and cracking open my copy of When Things Fall Apart.

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The Trampire Diaries

The Trampire Diaries

Why slut-shaming is ruining your sex life!

So it looks like KStew and RPatz are back together. Huge sigh of relief. Order has been restored in the sleepy hamlet of Hollywood.

As an 11 year old friend of mine says, "sometimes people in movies fall in love." True. And sometimes, people in movies have a hard time in their relationships. Sometimes people in movies put on their matching Chinese cashmere Snuggies, sit in their Spanish Revival style living room, underneath an original collection of Hiroshi Sugimoto photographs, and have a come to jesus conversation about the state of their union.

So Snow White had a not so snow white moment. 

Why can't we leave it at that and admire K-Rob for their capacity for forgiveness and reconciliation? Kristen is being slammed in the media for (gasp) having cheated on her boyfriend. A 22 year old cheating on her boyfriend? What a way to devastate the nation.

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It's not you, it's Blair Waldorf

It's not you, it's Blair Waldorf

There's a song by Akron/Family that I've been listening to everyday for about a week now. The lyrics go "Don't be afraid, it's only love. Don't be afraid, it's only love. Love is simple."

LOVE IS F*CKING SIMPLE.

But it sure ain't easy. And you know why it's not easy? Because we make it harder on ourselves than it has to be. We take something beautiful and we piss all over it. I'm about 85% sure Thich Nhat Hanh said that.

If you're anything like me, you have a giant ego to go along with your giant heart and your incredible fashion sense. 

And our ego complicates the sh*t out of our love lives. Egos can't stand to be ignored. They love scheming and plotting and scandal. Worst of all, they'll do anything, and I mean anything to look good. 

Our egos are little Blair Waldorfs running amok on the Upper East Side of our personalities. If you have no idea what that means, a) start watching Gossip Girl and b) it doesn't matter, you get the idea.

LUCKILY, THERE'S A SECRET TO LASTING LOVE, OR AT LEAST TO LOVE LASTING MORE THAN A WEEK:

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