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acceptance

The End of Love

The End of Love

An Anti-Assimilationist Valentine's Day

I know I don't have to tell you that February 14th is barreling towards us at superluminal velocity. You also may know that if you're not in a romantic relationship, you might as well crawl back into your lair and resume braiding your body hair or filing the fingernails on your dewclaws, or whatever it is that single people do, because how dare you attempt to join the ranks of those who will not be dying alone.

But if you do, however, happen to be in love, well I'm sure you know better than to erect anything less than the most stunning and enthusiastic tribute to your beloved, replete with chocolate, champagne, sex in more than one position, and possibly a proposal.

Am I right?

Unless of course, you're not in the business of celebrating corporate sponsored heteronormativity, underwritten by Hallmark, self-hatred and comfort pastries; or the holy day also known as Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day -- destroyer of all things -- is a celebration of everything that's wrong with our rendition of modern love. There's nothing quite like this arbitrary event to magnify our expectations, diminish our relationships and test our self-esteem. Come February 1st, convenience store aisles, awash in the empty symbology of romance, close in on us with one message, and one message only:

Continue Reading at Huff Post

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A Hater’s Guide To New Year’s Resolutions

A Hater’s Guide To New Year’s Resolutions

(a.k.a. Self-improvement through self-acceptance)

New Year’s Eve is that special time of year where we resolve to become less like ourselves and more like other people. Better people. More suitable people. Perfectly hydrated, voraciously reading, paleo dieting people.

It’s a time-honored tradition in which we salute the passing year by piling unrealistic hopes and expectations on the back of the year to come, and we look to the future with a gut-churning blend of happy optimism and indestructible self-loathing.

In theory, New Year’s Eve should be a time to review our year and celebrate our accomplishments; A night to forgive our shortcomings and give boozy toasts for better days to come.

But for the 45% of Americans who still make resolutions, New Year’s Eve is a not to be a missed chance to alter ourselves in arbitrary ways that only seem reasonable when much of the Western Hemisphere is also doing it.

Do you want to know the best thing to happen to New Year’s resolutions? It’s called February. If January is the month of change, then February is the month of giving up. By the time February rolls around, with that knowing smirk on its face, more than a third of us have abandoned all hope and returned to our overwhelmed and under-hydrated lives. According to a recent survey by the University of Scranton, only 8% of us are eventually successful at keeping our commitments.

As you may be able to tell, I hate resolutions.

Keep reading here...

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Chill Like That

Chill Like That

Why it’s just not cool, to be chill.

When it comes to dating, being “chill” has climbed the ranks as a highly coveted, basically non-negotiable quality that our romantic partners should possess. Wait. Did I say dating? I meant “hanging out.” Or “talking to.” Or “chillin with…”

Sorry, I’m not sure… 

A few minutes on Tindr, Hitch, or Cupid, will render incontrovertible evidence that if you are not CHILL, then you might as well be dead. 

Wait, what’s that? You’re honest and fun? Understanding and ambitious? You have amazing personal hygiene, great friends, and breasts that men and women alike would murder their grandmother to get their hands on? Doesn’t matter. If you’re not chill, then, well, good luck to you.  

A culture of “chill” has invaded out modern dating climate.

Checking the weather? Don’t bother. It’s chill. It’s always chill.

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Sharing is Scaring

Sharing is Scaring

HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR PARTNER'S SEXUAL PAST!

It's probably safe to assume that the person you're currently sleeping with, slept with someone else before you. In fact, she might have slept with someone else immediately before sleeping with you, if you're not monogamous. It's also probably safe to assume that she perfected that Rock-a-Bye-Booty you like so much with someone else, and that she realized she was into light spanking with yep, you got it, her Brazilian ex who as she puts it, "helped the flower of her sexuality blossom." (p.s. puke)

I for one, learned the hard way that La Isla Bonita is a silly song to have sex to. That's the kind of invaluable information that I know for sure has been appreciated by my partners.

Some of us don't worry too much about what, (or who) came before us. My own partner, for example, says infuriatingly reasonable things like "It's none of my business," or "It had nothing to do with me." Comments to which I soundly reply by walking away indignantly and cracking open my copy of When Things Fall Apart.

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Your vagina called...

Your vagina called...

I hear about body shame, eating disorders, chronic dieting, and body dysmorphia on an almost daily basis in my psychotherapy practice. Seems like everyone with a heartbeat and a Facebook account thinks that their thighs are too big. Somehow, fitting in with our peers is predicated on fitting into our skinny jeans. This is sad and it is dangerous. The emotional byproducts of negative body image are poor self-esteem, isolation, self-neglect and a hungry loneliness that's never quite satisfied. 

If we take a page from almost any ladymag, we end up with more than just tips on how to f*ck like a vampire or undress for success. It’s an oversimplification for sure, but without proper community and self-support, internalized messages from popular culture can turn us into bullies against our own bodies. 

AND THESE DAYS, OUR VAGINAS ARE NEXT ON THE HIT LIST. 

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